My favorite time of the year. It is just beautiful here, all the trees dressed in their finest golds and reds. Love love love it! I have an amazing view of the mountains of southwest Colorado and they were covered in snow this morning. The snow I'm not so looking forward to......... But you can't beat the breath-taking view it makes on the mountain tops!
I'm still 34 pounds down as I was on my 10/4 post. Not good at all. And I say that because it's my own fault. I haven't been eating carefully nor have I been exercising. I'm very proud of the 34 I've lost and I'm ok with being steady for the past few weeks because usually I would gain at least a couple of pounds pre band. But I need to get a grip and pay attention to my eating. I know I'm getting enough fluids, my urologist says my urine is wonderful lol. Wonderful urine......... to funny.
But I've gotten into some very bad habits already. It's so much easier to just nibble and pick at things and not sit down and eat a proper meal. Why o why do peanut M&Ms go down so much easier than meat or veggies???? Not fair! The last couple of nights I've paid more attention to what I'm eating and trying to put a halt on the snacking.
Then I sit all day at a desk. No way around that right now, so I've GOT to start an exercise program. I found out about a zumba class at lunch today, will look into that. Except zumba kinda scares me.......
I'm a TOTAL klutz and I'm afraid I'll fall down and break something lol.
Go for my 3rd fill next Wednesday. I sure hope I'm getting close to the magical green zone. I kinda thought it would come on gradually, but maybe it just hits you all at once? I feel hungry alot more than I thought I would after 2 fills and I'm starting to get the shakes from blood sugar drops again. Those are alot of why I'm so overweight now. I eat until they go away and by then I've eaten ALOT. Don't need that again!
Time to go catch up on some blogs and get motivated again!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
What the.....
WHERE has all the time gone??? Summer is over, the days are getting shorter but the leaves are starting to turn and I love that! Something else I love.....
woo hoo! Actually it's now 34 pounds lol because I'm so lame at keeping up with this. I've got over 500 unread posts to catch up on here! I did manage to catch up on over 1000 unread quilty blogs, but when you are in a hurry those are so much easier to speed thru. I only look for pictures when I get this far behind lol. Bad I know! But here I can't do that. Not that I don't love the pictures, but it's the writing that is so supportive and inspiring. So I'm taking a few minutes during my lunch hour to do a quick drive-by post and hopefully this week I'll have some time to catch up reading.
I realized last week why I'm so behind. I LOVE my internet. Yes "my". It was invented just for me. I could and was spending hours and hours on it. And that was before blogs. Between the quilty, decorating, crafty and LB blogs I could spend 24/7 on here. But lately I haven't and I've gotten so far behind. I've been trying to figure out why for the last several weeks. Then last Thursday night it hit me! It hit me during Grey's Anatomy, one of the few shows I still watch. I used to watch tons of tv whilst on the internet, but now? Not so much.
Why? I don't have to rest so much in between getting things done! O.M.G. I feel so much better I don't spend hours and hours sitting because I'm tired, my feet hurt, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my back hurts and I'm TIRED. It's amazing! I read all the blog stories about how everyone felt better but I knew it wouldn't work like that for me. Loosing and feeling better never have.
Wrong! But I really do need to keep up, this support community is what it's all about I think. The LB is a great tool but the support of everyone is priceless. Without support I don't think I will be successful longterm. So now that it's getting dark earlier (booooo) maybe I'll have more time. That or less work. Staying here until 6 or 630 isn't good. But my boss is really really mean and makes me. Then I have to go home and wash his dirty clothes :) Poor me huh?
I read a few yesterday and loved reading about what a great time everyone had at BOOBS. Hope this turns into an annual shindig because I would love to go next year.
ok back to work, I've got to get our safety manual updated blech! I hate working on that thing.
I realized last week why I'm so behind. I LOVE my internet. Yes "my". It was invented just for me. I could and was spending hours and hours on it. And that was before blogs. Between the quilty, decorating, crafty and LB blogs I could spend 24/7 on here. But lately I haven't and I've gotten so far behind. I've been trying to figure out why for the last several weeks. Then last Thursday night it hit me! It hit me during Grey's Anatomy, one of the few shows I still watch. I used to watch tons of tv whilst on the internet, but now? Not so much.
Why? I don't have to rest so much in between getting things done! O.M.G. I feel so much better I don't spend hours and hours sitting because I'm tired, my feet hurt, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my back hurts and I'm TIRED. It's amazing! I read all the blog stories about how everyone felt better but I knew it wouldn't work like that for me. Loosing and feeling better never have.
Wrong! But I really do need to keep up, this support community is what it's all about I think. The LB is a great tool but the support of everyone is priceless. Without support I don't think I will be successful longterm. So now that it's getting dark earlier (booooo) maybe I'll have more time. That or less work. Staying here until 6 or 630 isn't good. But my boss is really really mean and makes me. Then I have to go home and wash his dirty clothes :) Poor me huh?
I read a few yesterday and loved reading about what a great time everyone had at BOOBS. Hope this turns into an annual shindig because I would love to go next year.
ok back to work, I've got to get our safety manual updated blech! I hate working on that thing.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Did I do the right thing?
This is a question I've been asking myself since surgery. (yes I know it's been that long since I've been here whatever) I researched and read about the lapband for 2 years before I decided to do it. Then I found out my insurance "might" pay..... if I wanted to wait 6 months. Well I didn't. And luckily I've got a husband that doesn't mind spending money at all. In fact the more the better :) It's just usually on his toys lol.
So I decided to selfpay (this you already know if you've been reading my sparse lame posts but according to my kids I repeat myself ALOT, whatever). But the totally unorganized hospital I had surgery at has submitted everything to my insurance company. ughhh AFTER I wrote a humongo check to them!! But.......... insurance has paid some of the claims!!! woot! The preop visits and the surgeon bill! So I go for my first fill on Wednesday and I'm going to take my EOBs and ask for some money back. I'm taking this as a thump on the head from God that........
YES I DID THE RIGHT THING!
Even tho I'm struggling right now, bandster hell ya know, I am finally convinced that I did the right thing. :)
So Wednesday............ I get my first fill at 10:15 am. And I'm scared! I'm more worried about the fill than I remember being about the surgery! I know it will all be ok because I've read so many blogs and you all were ok. Thank goodness I found you guys, otherwise I would be totally freaking myself out. How do I know this??? Because I.do.it.all.the.time! ughh Instead I'm just freaking out somewhat right now lol.
Weight is at 245.2 this morning. That's up from a low of 242.3 which was the day before I added regular food back. So I'm happy with a 3 lb gain. I can't eat quite as much as I could before, but almost. The thing I'm finding is I've GOT to slow down. I have lots of trouble with that. But it is getting better each day.
Oh and I've learned 2 VERY important things this week....................
Those little powder sugar covered donuts that come in the 6pack you get at the convenience store? They don't go down worth a shit! Same with the cinnamon rolls in the can you bake at home. A little birdie told me this, I didn't try any of it. Nope not me. No way. And the birdie told me it hurts BAD. I didn't PB tho, I mean the BIRDIE didn't PB. But the band did exactly what I want it to do, get my attention when I try to eat something stupid. Dumb bird.......
I'm still having trouble with not drinking with my meals. It's getting better, but still a struggle. I MISS my ice tea. I've also got to come up with a way to get more protein in. I'm not getting nearly enough, partly because I'm not much of a meat eater. I much prefer cookies and cake.................
Toodles for now, I've got almost 500 posts in my reader to catch up on!
Weight - 245.2
BMI - 40
So I decided to selfpay (this you already know if you've been reading my sparse lame posts but according to my kids I repeat myself ALOT, whatever). But the totally unorganized hospital I had surgery at has submitted everything to my insurance company. ughhh AFTER I wrote a humongo check to them!! But.......... insurance has paid some of the claims!!! woot! The preop visits and the surgeon bill! So I go for my first fill on Wednesday and I'm going to take my EOBs and ask for some money back. I'm taking this as a thump on the head from God that........
YES I DID THE RIGHT THING!
Even tho I'm struggling right now, bandster hell ya know, I am finally convinced that I did the right thing. :)
So Wednesday............ I get my first fill at 10:15 am. And I'm scared! I'm more worried about the fill than I remember being about the surgery! I know it will all be ok because I've read so many blogs and you all were ok. Thank goodness I found you guys, otherwise I would be totally freaking myself out. How do I know this??? Because I.do.it.all.the.time! ughh Instead I'm just freaking out somewhat right now lol.
Weight is at 245.2 this morning. That's up from a low of 242.3 which was the day before I added regular food back. So I'm happy with a 3 lb gain. I can't eat quite as much as I could before, but almost. The thing I'm finding is I've GOT to slow down. I have lots of trouble with that. But it is getting better each day.
Oh and I've learned 2 VERY important things this week....................
Those little powder sugar covered donuts that come in the 6pack you get at the convenience store? They don't go down worth a shit! Same with the cinnamon rolls in the can you bake at home. A little birdie told me this, I didn't try any of it. Nope not me. No way. And the birdie told me it hurts BAD. I didn't PB tho, I mean the BIRDIE didn't PB. But the band did exactly what I want it to do, get my attention when I try to eat something stupid. Dumb bird.......
I'm still having trouble with not drinking with my meals. It's getting better, but still a struggle. I MISS my ice tea. I've also got to come up with a way to get more protein in. I'm not getting nearly enough, partly because I'm not much of a meat eater. I much prefer cookies and cake.................
Toodles for now, I've got almost 500 posts in my reader to catch up on!
Weight - 245.2
BMI - 40
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Twenty it is!
Thank you all so much for the input and your encouragement! I've loved seeing the different ways people posted their losses and couldn't wait until I could do a number search for a pic of my loss.
Tomorrow morning at 6am I have to go to Albuquerque for my postop checkup. DON'T want to drive 3 hours there and 3 back. blech! Oh well I'll get to move on to mushies afterwards I hope so that will make it worth it :)
Now confession time........... I've developed a terrible terrible tv habit...... Real Housewives of NJ
o.m.g. it's like watching a train wreck. Not to mention STU.PID. But I can't stop. I just started watching a couple of months ago and now I'm also wrapped up in NYC housewives and Bethenny and her baby!
sick, just sick I tell ya.................
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day 6
dang it I wasn't going to miss so many days in between posts, I'll forget details. Oh well...
Everyday is substantially better! I worked all day today. Sitting at a desk was not always comfortable but not terrible. Lots of mail to open and filing to do. I think all that arm movement really helped with the gas cause I belched all day long! ughhhh
To back up, day 4..... slept some better, still couldn't sleep on my left side (which is the preferred) but at least I don't have to stay on my back all night. I went in to the post office, stopped by the shop and went to the grocery store for a few things. Was worn OUT by the time I got home. And my side was really starting to hurt. Not sure if it from the port or still gas. Slept way better that night.
Day 5, Sunday, just layed around all day and read off and on. I think 2 bouts of anesthesia a week apart had me a little loopier than I though it would. Haven't been able to concentrate hardly at all. I've spent hardly any time on the computer (and I LOVE me some internet!!) or read. But thankfully James Patterson's Alex Cross books have short chapters so it makes it easier. Slept for 4-5 hours at a stretch that night. yay!!
Still not eating enough (or drinking!) Just not hungry at all. I've found that small curd cottage cheese goes down the best plus it fairly high in protein.
Day 6, weight is 248.5!!! So I have a starting weight dilemma... I was holding around 262 for the last couple months, but DH was out of town for several weeks and I binged BAD. Really bad. For days. So my weight jumped to 268. Now I know alot of it was fluid retention from eating like crap because after a few days it dropped to 264-265. The next day I started my preop. SO.... what would you use as a starting weight? I like the 268 because that means I've lost 20 lbs! (how twisted is that that I "want" to use the higher weight ughh) Still pondering this.
I made broccoli cheese soup this weekend, cooked the broccoli to death in chicken broth then blended. mmmmm that was appetizing............ NOT omg worse than baby food. But threw it in with some Velveeta and sharp cheddar and more broth. Not to bad. Then tonight I put some soup and some canned chicken in the blender and then warmed. Not bad and more protein. Should have warmed the soup first tho so it would blend better.
One odd thing I've noticed after I eat it feels like I'm having a little spasm. Maybe where the band is? It was kinda bad at first but now it's minor.
So those are my ramblings for now. I wish I could write witty posts like some of the blogs I read.
Everyday is substantially better! I worked all day today. Sitting at a desk was not always comfortable but not terrible. Lots of mail to open and filing to do. I think all that arm movement really helped with the gas cause I belched all day long! ughhhh
To back up, day 4..... slept some better, still couldn't sleep on my left side (which is the preferred) but at least I don't have to stay on my back all night. I went in to the post office, stopped by the shop and went to the grocery store for a few things. Was worn OUT by the time I got home. And my side was really starting to hurt. Not sure if it from the port or still gas. Slept way better that night.
Day 5, Sunday, just layed around all day and read off and on. I think 2 bouts of anesthesia a week apart had me a little loopier than I though it would. Haven't been able to concentrate hardly at all. I've spent hardly any time on the computer (and I LOVE me some internet!!) or read. But thankfully James Patterson's Alex Cross books have short chapters so it makes it easier. Slept for 4-5 hours at a stretch that night. yay!!
Still not eating enough (or drinking!) Just not hungry at all. I've found that small curd cottage cheese goes down the best plus it fairly high in protein.
Day 6, weight is 248.5!!! So I have a starting weight dilemma... I was holding around 262 for the last couple months, but DH was out of town for several weeks and I binged BAD. Really bad. For days. So my weight jumped to 268. Now I know alot of it was fluid retention from eating like crap because after a few days it dropped to 264-265. The next day I started my preop. SO.... what would you use as a starting weight? I like the 268 because that means I've lost 20 lbs! (how twisted is that that I "want" to use the higher weight ughh) Still pondering this.
I made broccoli cheese soup this weekend, cooked the broccoli to death in chicken broth then blended. mmmmm that was appetizing............ NOT omg worse than baby food. But threw it in with some Velveeta and sharp cheddar and more broth. Not to bad. Then tonight I put some soup and some canned chicken in the blender and then warmed. Not bad and more protein. Should have warmed the soup first tho so it would blend better.
One odd thing I've noticed after I eat it feels like I'm having a little spasm. Maybe where the band is? It was kinda bad at first but now it's minor.
So those are my ramblings for now. I wish I could write witty posts like some of the blogs I read.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Day 3
Feeling much better for the most part. Still couldn't get comfortable last night in bed so moved to the recliner around 3am, not much better. Felt pretty good when I got up, sore but not bad. Then about mid-morning the gas pains hit. Yikes! I should have gone and gotten in the shower right then but I laid down. Bad move....
Took GasX and tried to walk around but man it hurt so bad. I laid back down and feel asleep for a while. Was some better after that. Finally got in the shower around 2pm and that helped SO much. Feeling pretty good right now (4pm). Got the dishwasher loaded, took out the trash and will try to make an easy supper for DH, tacos probably. The oddest thing is my stomach hurts like I've eating a HUGE meal. And all I've had today is 1/2 c protein shake this morning, pudding cup around noon, other 1/2 c shake before shower and water. Very strange goings on indeed................. :)
May try to go into the office tomorrow to open the mail and check emails.
Stephanie - don't have a hot water bottle and my heating pad seems to get to hot even on low, the main gas pain seems to always end up directly under my largest incision and the heat hurts. Is this normal you think?
Hope you all have a great weekend. We MIGHT even get some rain! woo hooo!!!
Took GasX and tried to walk around but man it hurt so bad. I laid back down and feel asleep for a while. Was some better after that. Finally got in the shower around 2pm and that helped SO much. Feeling pretty good right now (4pm). Got the dishwasher loaded, took out the trash and will try to make an easy supper for DH, tacos probably. The oddest thing is my stomach hurts like I've eating a HUGE meal. And all I've had today is 1/2 c protein shake this morning, pudding cup around noon, other 1/2 c shake before shower and water. Very strange goings on indeed................. :)
May try to go into the office tomorrow to open the mail and check emails.
Stephanie - don't have a hot water bottle and my heating pad seems to get to hot even on low, the main gas pain seems to always end up directly under my largest incision and the heat hurts. Is this normal you think?
Hope you all have a great weekend. We MIGHT even get some rain! woo hooo!!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I'm banded!
It's been a little over 48 hours now. And............
I'm wondering what.the.hell.have.I.done.
Seriously. The gas hurts, I can't get comfortable. I want a freakn hamburger! WTF?
I know this will pass (please let it pass!) and I will again be happy with this decision. So on to the technicalities.
Preop weight 254.3 I have 4 smallish incisions and one that is about 2". That's where the port is and it's really the only one that hurts. It's the one keeping me from getting comfortable in bed. I can't rollover or sit up.
ok cry-baby fest is over. I know this will pass once I feel better. I hope it's by tomorrow :)
Peace out!
oh and thank all of you sooooo much for the wonderful comments on my last post. Reading them really helped the nerves!
I'm wondering what.the.hell.have.I.done.
Seriously. The gas hurts, I can't get comfortable. I want a freakn hamburger! WTF?
I know this will pass (please let it pass!) and I will again be happy with this decision. So on to the technicalities.
Preop weight 254.3 I have 4 smallish incisions and one that is about 2". That's where the port is and it's really the only one that hurts. It's the one keeping me from getting comfortable in bed. I can't rollover or sit up.
ok cry-baby fest is over. I know this will pass once I feel better. I hope it's by tomorrow :)
Peace out!
oh and thank all of you sooooo much for the wonderful comments on my last post. Reading them really helped the nerves!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
It's set
Tuesday, July 20 at noon. Have to be at the hospital by10:30 so will leave here around 6:30!
Weight this morning is 255.3, a 7# loss according to blog weights. I did gain 5-6 during May while DH was out of town working because I ate LIKE.CRAP. So maybe I've really lost 13ish? whatever, I'm going with 7. Preop weight at the surgeon's office was 270. dayumm! I think I was 268 on my scales that morning, but didn't write it down so don't remember...............
Yesterday was a hard day of not eating. I wanted food and something to chew sooooo bad. I hope today goes better, it was hard. It feels like I've been doing this for way more than 2 weeks lol. Oh well, from the paperwork they gave me it seems Dr Smith gets you back to real food fairly quickly. 48 hrs liquid then 3 days or so full liquids, then mushies. It's gets kinda vague about regular food. I'm sure they wait to see how you're doing after your 1 week checkup.
So probably no more posts until after I get home Wednesday afternoon sometime. I'm sure work tomorrow will be as crazy as last week was.
See you all on the "other" side!!! :)
Weight this morning is 255.3, a 7# loss according to blog weights. I did gain 5-6 during May while DH was out of town working because I ate LIKE.CRAP. So maybe I've really lost 13ish? whatever, I'm going with 7. Preop weight at the surgeon's office was 270. dayumm! I think I was 268 on my scales that morning, but didn't write it down so don't remember...............
Yesterday was a hard day of not eating. I wanted food and something to chew sooooo bad. I hope today goes better, it was hard. It feels like I've been doing this for way more than 2 weeks lol. Oh well, from the paperwork they gave me it seems Dr Smith gets you back to real food fairly quickly. 48 hrs liquid then 3 days or so full liquids, then mushies. It's gets kinda vague about regular food. I'm sure they wait to see how you're doing after your 1 week checkup.
So probably no more posts until after I get home Wednesday afternoon sometime. I'm sure work tomorrow will be as crazy as last week was.
See you all on the "other" side!!! :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Some things to look forward to
This post may seem like a major whine-fest but it's not meant to be that way. I just want to get down the things that bother me due to being overweight. I need to write it down because I suffer from massive CRS (can't remember shit) and when I get down on myself for not loosing fast enough I want to be able to look back and see the progress I've made :) So if you don't want to listen to my aches/pains stop now lol.
Physical symptoms:
On a positive note, things I want to be able to do
Physical symptoms:
- back hurts most of the time - I can't hardly stand at the sink long enough to do dishes (and that means rinse and put in dishwasher!) because my upper and lower back start to hurt so bad
- ankles hurt ALL the time
- knees are starting to hurt
- feet hurt - wear flipflops all the time, heels are out of the question. In winter I lived in Nikes until I discovered Roper mules (look like boots when on with pants)
- right hip starting to give me trouble
- tired of that "stiff" walk whenever I get up, either from sitting from just a few minutes to first thing in the morning. It hurts!
- constantly retaining fluid, my finger,s hurt from it and I'm sure it's from eating crap because it's so much better since I started preop diet
- can't walk from the house to the car without being short of breath, much less exercise
- tired alllll the time
- shin splints
- snore
On a positive note, things I want to be able to do
- sit with my legs crossed
- shop in regular sizes
- be able to wear a pair of Fat Baby boots
- for some odd reason I want to be able to run! Not sure why, never was able to as a kid, and I was very thin until my late 20s. Always got that awful side pain and had to stop.
- wear a watch
- not be consumed by my next meal and/or snack, I'm tired of it ruling my life
- share a hotel room with friends at quilt retreats without keeping them awake all night
- feel good about myself again
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Something just now hit me........
Eating is my pastime. A hobby if you will. This is my first weekend on my preop diet and I'm having a hard time staying out of the pantry. I'm bored and want to eat. Wow I didn't expect this. I knew I ate out of boredom some, but as a pasttime? wow is all I know to say.................
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I'm going to gnaw my arm off.....
Started preop diet on Monday and I'm so tired I can't see straight and I want to eat something so bad I can hardly stand it. BUT, I'm not and that's a yay for me. My preop consists of replacing 2 meals each day with a protein shake. I got the Bariatric Advantage vanilla from Lovelace and it's good. One day I added a spoon of peanut butter and that was real good. Now I need to get to the grocery store and get some things like bananas and sf choc syrup. The 3rd meal is soup. They told me at preop appt that is had to be blended. But the paperwork says nothing about blended soup, just not cream base bc of the calories. Then I met a girl on LBT that is the same day/doctor as I am and they told her any soup. NOT blended. Shit they need to get it together there.......................
So these last couple of week have been full of ups and downs. I'll start where my last post left off.
Had CT for kidney stones and yep I've gottem. On BOTH sides. damn. Scheduled Lithotripsy to blast those suckers on 7/12. First 2 appts with urologist I told him about LB and he said he didn't see any problem, it would be up to the LB surgeon. BOTH appts I talked to him about this.
Forward to 6/30 and I go to Albuquerque (3 hour drive) for my preops for LB. I left my house at 7am and didn't get home until 8:30pm. I swear Lovelace Bariatric dept is the MOST unorganized office I've ever seen. I had called them several times and asked them to talk to the surgeon about the kidney thing. Finally someone said they had and surgeon had no problem with LB surgery being a week later. ok. Show up for preops, filled out forms while waiting. Basic forms like meds, surgeries and family history kinda stuff. Then saw NP and spent about 30 min with her. Back to the waiting area for 20-30 min.
Then on to the psyc. But they couldn't find my file so I filled out ANOTHER set of forms. Along with lots of other basic questions from her. Such as support at home, goals etc. I really enjoyed talking to her. Then back to waiting area to wait for NUT appt.
Get to nut and guess what? Didn't have my paperwork........................
Now in defense this hospital they are at is small and just starting a remodel/addition. The bariatric dept moved the day before into the old cardio dept. They didn't even have printers hooked up. Everytime they tried to print they had to go hunt for it in other departments close by. I understand and sympathize with that but damn.
So start answering the same questions again. Then someone finds my file and brings it in. ok onto the NUT portion of the program. Something about this poor lady just annoyed.the.piss.out.of.me! She was nice enough but I had had enough of her semi-condescending voice. back to waiting area..............
Go back to finalize paperwork and schedule the preop consult with the surgeon. Oh and I told everyone of these people about the Lithotripsy and all just said oooooo. nice. So surgeon consult is the Saturday before my Monday surgery. It's a 15 min appt. o.m.g. 15 min? I've got to drive 3 hours each way for 15 mins? ok.
We talk about down payment. ok. But they can't take it because that part of the system is still down. okkkkkk
Then they realize the NP didn't do the preop portion, just a consult. Crap so back to her office. And guess what???? Answer the same freakn questions again. But this time she goes into detail about the entire procedure. And says she'll get me paperwork for bloodwork, etc. But she doesn't.
But at least she did get my scrip for pain meds and anti-nausea!
So they confer and decide I can consult with the other surgeon since I live 3 hrs away. So back to the waiting area.
FOR 3 HOURS!
ughhh oh well. By this time all the people with fill appts are starting to come in and I overhear the talking about the long wait times. They are a little annoyed. And they think this office is to disorganized. Imagine that..............
By the time I get in to see the surgeon I hear her telling them out front that she absolutely has to leave in 45 min. And there are 2 of us that they kept for consults. I'm pissed by now and if she rushes thru this I'm done. I'll start over somewhere else. All I've lost at this point is a day of my time, haven't paid them a dime yet.
When she comes in she is the nicest little thing. Looks about 16 years old. But so nice and seemed truly excited for me. Consult with her goes great and she doesn't rush at all. whew. Even tho I was told the NP had talked to her about my Lithotripsy I asked her again. Didn't appear she had ever hear about it. But she is a general surgeon and way busy so maybe they did. But she has no problem with it, she says it's really up to my Uro. But we realize I don't have orders for bloodwork so have to find someone to write that up. And guess what? CAN'T FIND MY FREAKN FILE AGAIN. sonofabitch.................
Finally left, went straight to Chik-fila, then started home. NO shopping and the mall was right there. ughhhhhhh
Preop appt with Urologist is 7/5. Thought I was going to see the head Uro that will do the procedure but nope it's the same one as before. Figured I better mention the LB again just to make sure. Only this time he looks at me like I have two freakn heads! Says he doesn't think it's a good idea. WTF??????
Tells me Head Uro will have to make that call after the procedure. He says you'll be in pain from the procedure and the passing of the stone pieces. If that's all hell I'll be in pain from the LB too!
So call NP at Lovelace and I'm pissed. I tell her I told him twice before this and now 13 days out he says this. So she pushed me back one day, to 7/20. If not that day it will be the end of August. So after the Lithotripsy I'll ask the Head Uro if I can go ahead with it. In the meantime I'm doing my loverly preop diet. Gotta have hope :)
If anyone actually stuck it out until the end of this, bless you! This was one long rambling post lol.
Now for updated stats. As of this morning weight is 259.6! Not so good compared to my last update, but Dh was out of town for the most part from the end of May to end of June and I ate like CRAP. seriously. crap.
So these last couple of week have been full of ups and downs. I'll start where my last post left off.
Had CT for kidney stones and yep I've gottem. On BOTH sides. damn. Scheduled Lithotripsy to blast those suckers on 7/12. First 2 appts with urologist I told him about LB and he said he didn't see any problem, it would be up to the LB surgeon. BOTH appts I talked to him about this.
Forward to 6/30 and I go to Albuquerque (3 hour drive) for my preops for LB. I left my house at 7am and didn't get home until 8:30pm. I swear Lovelace Bariatric dept is the MOST unorganized office I've ever seen. I had called them several times and asked them to talk to the surgeon about the kidney thing. Finally someone said they had and surgeon had no problem with LB surgery being a week later. ok. Show up for preops, filled out forms while waiting. Basic forms like meds, surgeries and family history kinda stuff. Then saw NP and spent about 30 min with her. Back to the waiting area for 20-30 min.
Then on to the psyc. But they couldn't find my file so I filled out ANOTHER set of forms. Along with lots of other basic questions from her. Such as support at home, goals etc. I really enjoyed talking to her. Then back to waiting area to wait for NUT appt.
Get to nut and guess what? Didn't have my paperwork........................
Now in defense this hospital they are at is small and just starting a remodel/addition. The bariatric dept moved the day before into the old cardio dept. They didn't even have printers hooked up. Everytime they tried to print they had to go hunt for it in other departments close by. I understand and sympathize with that but damn.
So start answering the same questions again. Then someone finds my file and brings it in. ok onto the NUT portion of the program. Something about this poor lady just annoyed.the.piss.out.of.me! She was nice enough but I had had enough of her semi-condescending voice. back to waiting area..............
Go back to finalize paperwork and schedule the preop consult with the surgeon. Oh and I told everyone of these people about the Lithotripsy and all just said oooooo. nice. So surgeon consult is the Saturday before my Monday surgery. It's a 15 min appt. o.m.g. 15 min? I've got to drive 3 hours each way for 15 mins? ok.
We talk about down payment. ok. But they can't take it because that part of the system is still down. okkkkkk
Then they realize the NP didn't do the preop portion, just a consult. Crap so back to her office. And guess what???? Answer the same freakn questions again. But this time she goes into detail about the entire procedure. And says she'll get me paperwork for bloodwork, etc. But she doesn't.
But at least she did get my scrip for pain meds and anti-nausea!
So they confer and decide I can consult with the other surgeon since I live 3 hrs away. So back to the waiting area.
FOR 3 HOURS!
ughhh oh well. By this time all the people with fill appts are starting to come in and I overhear the talking about the long wait times. They are a little annoyed. And they think this office is to disorganized. Imagine that..............
By the time I get in to see the surgeon I hear her telling them out front that she absolutely has to leave in 45 min. And there are 2 of us that they kept for consults. I'm pissed by now and if she rushes thru this I'm done. I'll start over somewhere else. All I've lost at this point is a day of my time, haven't paid them a dime yet.
When she comes in she is the nicest little thing. Looks about 16 years old. But so nice and seemed truly excited for me. Consult with her goes great and she doesn't rush at all. whew. Even tho I was told the NP had talked to her about my Lithotripsy I asked her again. Didn't appear she had ever hear about it. But she is a general surgeon and way busy so maybe they did. But she has no problem with it, she says it's really up to my Uro. But we realize I don't have orders for bloodwork so have to find someone to write that up. And guess what? CAN'T FIND MY FREAKN FILE AGAIN. sonofabitch.................
Finally left, went straight to Chik-fila, then started home. NO shopping and the mall was right there. ughhhhhhh
Preop appt with Urologist is 7/5. Thought I was going to see the head Uro that will do the procedure but nope it's the same one as before. Figured I better mention the LB again just to make sure. Only this time he looks at me like I have two freakn heads! Says he doesn't think it's a good idea. WTF??????
Tells me Head Uro will have to make that call after the procedure. He says you'll be in pain from the procedure and the passing of the stone pieces. If that's all hell I'll be in pain from the LB too!
So call NP at Lovelace and I'm pissed. I tell her I told him twice before this and now 13 days out he says this. So she pushed me back one day, to 7/20. If not that day it will be the end of August. So after the Lithotripsy I'll ask the Head Uro if I can go ahead with it. In the meantime I'm doing my loverly preop diet. Gotta have hope :)
If anyone actually stuck it out until the end of this, bless you! This was one long rambling post lol.
Now for updated stats. As of this morning weight is 259.6! Not so good compared to my last update, but Dh was out of town for the most part from the end of May to end of June and I ate like CRAP. seriously. crap.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Is my surgery date!!! Reserved my spot this morning and will go for pre-op appts in 2 weeks (ish). ackkkkk now I'm freaking out again.
But this all depends on a CT scan I have to have tomorrow. Possible kidney stones. Fun times.
Luckily I'm not in any pain just yet so I don't know what they'll do, if anything. Find that out Monday. With my first stone the pain knocked me to the floor, literally. And made me throw up. Don't eveah want to go thru that again. Oh and NO pain meds, found out I was 2 weeks pregnant seconds before they turned on the xray machine. Good timing. The Urologist did praise me on the strength of my urine tho. He was all happy and I was soooo proud. Diluted urine. The stuff dreams are made of.
And o.m.g. I'm already worrying about what I'm going to eat in the next 4 weeks. Cause you know I'll never be able to eat again. Nothing but broth for the rest of my years. WTF?
I'm a nutcase.
On a happy note..... DD got her grades, a B, B+, C+ and C. whoo hooo first year of law school is done! But now she is thinking of changing schools (hers is a little lacking on the having it together front. Great professors, crappy admin). She's looking at Jacksonville FL. That's a 3 DAY drive from here! good gosh I'm tired of moving her stuff. But she's in law school so it's all good. :)
Anybody from the JAX area?
oh and I don't do humidity.
at all.
Over and out so I can go dream of my last meal (or 28 meals)...............
But this all depends on a CT scan I have to have tomorrow. Possible kidney stones. Fun times.
Luckily I'm not in any pain just yet so I don't know what they'll do, if anything. Find that out Monday. With my first stone the pain knocked me to the floor, literally. And made me throw up. Don't eveah want to go thru that again. Oh and NO pain meds, found out I was 2 weeks pregnant seconds before they turned on the xray machine. Good timing. The Urologist did praise me on the strength of my urine tho. He was all happy and I was soooo proud. Diluted urine. The stuff dreams are made of.
And o.m.g. I'm already worrying about what I'm going to eat in the next 4 weeks. Cause you know I'll never be able to eat again. Nothing but broth for the rest of my years. WTF?
I'm a nutcase.
On a happy note..... DD got her grades, a B, B+, C+ and C. whoo hooo first year of law school is done! But now she is thinking of changing schools (hers is a little lacking on the having it together front. Great professors, crappy admin). She's looking at Jacksonville FL. That's a 3 DAY drive from here! good gosh I'm tired of moving her stuff. But she's in law school so it's all good. :)
Anybody from the JAX area?
oh and I don't do humidity.
at all.
Over and out so I can go dream of my last meal (or 28 meals)...............
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Good news / Bad news kinda day
First I want to thank you for the comments on my last 2 posts. I'm now leaning strongly toward self pay, I will explain more why below. And while I agree with Jacquie that self paying is a big motivator, it's still stressful as you all well know. It also makes me feel better that everyone else stresses about all this too and it's not just me lol.
As for my PCP it does really annoy me they feel this way. But unfortunately I live in a fairly small town without an abundance of good doctors. It's hard to find one you like. If I had other good choices I would seriously think about changing. But I like her other than this and Mexico is not an option right now anyway.
So my news.... I had an appointment with my accountant and attorney this morning and asked the accountant about the advantages tax wise of self pay. Bad news. Elective surgery is not deductible he says. So darn. But did I mislead him when "I" called it elective? Maybe with a doctor's recommendation it wouldn't be considered elective? Something I didn't think of until after I was on my way back to the office. Altho I did tell him what it was for so I think he would have mentioned that if it was an option. He also personally knows of 2 people here in town that have had it done with wonderful results. So that was good to know.
Good news? I talked to DH about self pay and he was ok with it. So that's what I'm going to do. woo hoo! So now I just have to make a decision about a surgeon. Right now my options are Dr. Smith from Ft Worth, he goes to Albuquerque once a month and his staff at the seminar was very nice. Plus it's only a 3 hour drive. BUT it's $15,500 ughh
2nd is Denver, a 6-7ish hour drive or can fly. 2 good doctors there, one of them the cost is $9900.
3rd is Phoenix. DD lives there so could stay with her, but a 6.5 hour drive. Cost is $15K-ish (can't find my notebook grrr)
So all good doctors, all good hospitals. DH says Albuquerque because over time it wouldn't really save any money when you consider the travel costs. Plus should something happen that I need to see someone fairly quickly 3 hours isn't bad. I guess I'm leaning toward Abq for now. More obsessive computer time to come.....
Now I'm having a hard time settling down to work! I might be banded in the next couple of months!!!!!
As for my PCP it does really annoy me they feel this way. But unfortunately I live in a fairly small town without an abundance of good doctors. It's hard to find one you like. If I had other good choices I would seriously think about changing. But I like her other than this and Mexico is not an option right now anyway.
So my news.... I had an appointment with my accountant and attorney this morning and asked the accountant about the advantages tax wise of self pay. Bad news. Elective surgery is not deductible he says. So darn. But did I mislead him when "I" called it elective? Maybe with a doctor's recommendation it wouldn't be considered elective? Something I didn't think of until after I was on my way back to the office. Altho I did tell him what it was for so I think he would have mentioned that if it was an option. He also personally knows of 2 people here in town that have had it done with wonderful results. So that was good to know.
Good news? I talked to DH about self pay and he was ok with it. So that's what I'm going to do. woo hoo! So now I just have to make a decision about a surgeon. Right now my options are Dr. Smith from Ft Worth, he goes to Albuquerque once a month and his staff at the seminar was very nice. Plus it's only a 3 hour drive. BUT it's $15,500 ughh
2nd is Denver, a 6-7ish hour drive or can fly. 2 good doctors there, one of them the cost is $9900.
3rd is Phoenix. DD lives there so could stay with her, but a 6.5 hour drive. Cost is $15K-ish (can't find my notebook grrr)
So all good doctors, all good hospitals. DH says Albuquerque because over time it wouldn't really save any money when you consider the travel costs. Plus should something happen that I need to see someone fairly quickly 3 hours isn't bad. I guess I'm leaning toward Abq for now. More obsessive computer time to come.....
Now I'm having a hard time settling down to work! I might be banded in the next couple of months!!!!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Banding in Mexico
Jacquie's comment on my last post brings up another question. If you've been banded in Mexico do any of your docs have a problem with it, or do they even know? My PCP straight up told me that if I go to Mexico to be banded they will no longer see me. For anything.
I don't really have any desire to go there, I would rather do it in the States if possible, but dang I can maybe understand not doing any follow up on the band but not at all?
I guess that's what happens when you live in a small town without many doctors to begin with.....
I don't really have any desire to go there, I would rather do it in the States if possible, but dang I can maybe understand not doing any follow up on the band but not at all?
I guess that's what happens when you live in a small town without many doctors to begin with.....
Monday, June 7, 2010
small update...
The surgeon's office has heard from my insurance. It is possibly a covered procedure, BUT.....
6 months supervised diet with my doctor, WW or any of those won't count. I asked if the fact that we talk about my weight everytime I see her counted and they didn't think so. Then I have to loose 20 pounds. After that they will "review". So 6 months from now they could still say no.
I was going to call the insurance company today and try to talk to someone that could give me details about how to get approved. Will my past appointments count? If not do my appointments need to be billed with a certain code? Anybody have any thoughts on other questions I should ask?
Then Thursday we have a meeting with our accountant and I'm going to talk to him about the possible tax advantages of self-pay. My estimated cost with ins will be $2500, selfpay cost $15,500. So we'll see ...
BUT a big problem with self-pay.......................... I'm completely totally 100% terrified of failing yet again at loosing weight and spending $15K to do it!! This fear is a big part of what stops me from trying, and yes I realize how stupid that is. My bff has been trying and trying to stop smoking and just can't seem to. But I tell her all the time she hasn't failed until she STOPS trying. As long as you are trying there is hope.
So why don't I listen to me?????? I'm as bad as my kids! lol
oh and tomorrow I'm having lunch with a lady from LBT that lives near me! Can't wait to meet my first "internet person" lol. Remember when something like this was a bad thing? Internet people were scawwy! :) I remember being scared to go in a chat room for the first time 9 years ago!
So we'll see what the insurance peeps have to say tomorrow. I'm not holding out much hope that they will say anything tho, it is insurance after all!
6 months supervised diet with my doctor, WW or any of those won't count. I asked if the fact that we talk about my weight everytime I see her counted and they didn't think so. Then I have to loose 20 pounds. After that they will "review". So 6 months from now they could still say no.
I was going to call the insurance company today and try to talk to someone that could give me details about how to get approved. Will my past appointments count? If not do my appointments need to be billed with a certain code? Anybody have any thoughts on other questions I should ask?
Then Thursday we have a meeting with our accountant and I'm going to talk to him about the possible tax advantages of self-pay. My estimated cost with ins will be $2500, selfpay cost $15,500. So we'll see ...
BUT a big problem with self-pay.......................... I'm completely totally 100% terrified of failing yet again at loosing weight and spending $15K to do it!! This fear is a big part of what stops me from trying, and yes I realize how stupid that is. My bff has been trying and trying to stop smoking and just can't seem to. But I tell her all the time she hasn't failed until she STOPS trying. As long as you are trying there is hope.
So why don't I listen to me?????? I'm as bad as my kids! lol
oh and tomorrow I'm having lunch with a lady from LBT that lives near me! Can't wait to meet my first "internet person" lol. Remember when something like this was a bad thing? Internet people were scawwy! :) I remember being scared to go in a chat room for the first time 9 years ago!
So we'll see what the insurance peeps have to say tomorrow. I'm not holding out much hope that they will say anything tho, it is insurance after all!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Seminar....
check!
Insurance - initial forms being submitted today!
So went to the seminar last night. Drove 3 hours for a lame 1 hour slide show and paperwork then 3 hours home. ughhhh
But it's started!! I really feel for most of the people there. All they really did was a slide presentation of stats comparing the lapband and bypass, a few interesting studies on comorbities and a little about where the band goes. Very little info I thought, but maybe that's because I've learned SO much from LBT and you guys. One stat I found interesting was that after 1 year 75% of diabetes lapband patients were off all meds. 80ish% (can't remember) sleep apnea patients were off their CPAPs. These were the 2 that I remember, but they were all pretty impressive.
And this is terrible of me, but man it was damn good to not be the largest person in the room. I would guess half were larger and in much worse physical condition than me. It was sad really. A forboding of things to come if I don't do something......
Bad news is I overhead a couple of ladies talking about how hard my insurance carrier is to work with on this. But by the time I could get thru the crowd (there was prolly 50-60 people there) they were in their cars. I think one of the conditions is that I HAVE to loose 20 pounds first.
But I'm trying to not worry about it just yet. I've got plenty other things to stress over right now! Work is crazy and DH went to Colorado for a 3-4 day job that has turned into a 2 week job. Nice we have the work, but it's got my schedule all messed up lol. Then I keep having blood in my urine and they did a culture Monday that came back clean so now I see a urologist (sp?) on 6/15. I'm trying really really hard not to worry about that but it's not working very well......
So now instead of paperwork, which I'm sick of, I'm going to go catch up on blogs :)
Insurance - initial forms being submitted today!
So went to the seminar last night. Drove 3 hours for a lame 1 hour slide show and paperwork then 3 hours home. ughhhh
But it's started!! I really feel for most of the people there. All they really did was a slide presentation of stats comparing the lapband and bypass, a few interesting studies on comorbities and a little about where the band goes. Very little info I thought, but maybe that's because I've learned SO much from LBT and you guys. One stat I found interesting was that after 1 year 75% of diabetes lapband patients were off all meds. 80ish% (can't remember) sleep apnea patients were off their CPAPs. These were the 2 that I remember, but they were all pretty impressive.
And this is terrible of me, but man it was damn good to not be the largest person in the room. I would guess half were larger and in much worse physical condition than me. It was sad really. A forboding of things to come if I don't do something......
Bad news is I overhead a couple of ladies talking about how hard my insurance carrier is to work with on this. But by the time I could get thru the crowd (there was prolly 50-60 people there) they were in their cars. I think one of the conditions is that I HAVE to loose 20 pounds first.
But I'm trying to not worry about it just yet. I've got plenty other things to stress over right now! Work is crazy and DH went to Colorado for a 3-4 day job that has turned into a 2 week job. Nice we have the work, but it's got my schedule all messed up lol. Then I keep having blood in my urine and they did a culture Monday that came back clean so now I see a urologist (sp?) on 6/15. I'm trying really really hard not to worry about that but it's not working very well......
So now instead of paperwork, which I'm sick of, I'm going to go catch up on blogs :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
TGIF!
Happy Friday everyone! Man I'm glad it's here, this has been a long week. DH has been out of town so I've had to be at the shop EARLY everyday. I don't like early. Never have most likely never will. Altho I do get alot more done by getting up and started so early (but I'll never admit that!)
Good news..... when I got home there was a voicemail that the bariatric center has scheduled another seminar. ON WEDNESDAY! Yes in 5 days! So I called this morning and changed to this one. So I'll be banded 2 weeks sooner than I previously thought! Still probably looking at 6 months tho...... But at least I'll know it's in the works, this holding pattern is about to drive me insane.
DD was home this past weekend and it was so nice. She lives in Phoenix and is in law school. She just finished her first year and she already speaks a different language when she talks about it all. Way above my head I tell ya.
ok back to work and reading blogs. Hope everyone and a great weekend!
Good news..... when I got home there was a voicemail that the bariatric center has scheduled another seminar. ON WEDNESDAY! Yes in 5 days! So I called this morning and changed to this one. So I'll be banded 2 weeks sooner than I previously thought! Still probably looking at 6 months tho...... But at least I'll know it's in the works, this holding pattern is about to drive me insane.
DD was home this past weekend and it was so nice. She lives in Phoenix and is in law school. She just finished her first year and she already speaks a different language when she talks about it all. Way above my head I tell ya.
ok back to work and reading blogs. Hope everyone and a great weekend!
Friday, May 14, 2010
BYOC ~ my first
ok here we go....
1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?
the pink Care Bear, I too want to fart gumdrops! Plus they were my daughter's absolute favortie when she was little so they make me smile.
2. Who was your teenage heart throb? (Thanks Fiona for this one)
David Cassidy, showing my age here with the Partridge family! oh and then there was also Little Joe from Bonanza! Can't believe I almost forgot him.
3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?
Definitely more mental for me. Altho I can't seem to figure out why, I had a good childhood no real trauma like so many have to overcome. Plus I was very thin until I had my first baby, then slightly overweight until after I had my son 5 years later, then all hell broke loose. But I've also gotten into a bad habit of large portions.
4. What’s your all-time favorite song?
hmmm this is a hard one, my music is all over the place and hard to narrow to one. "The Dance" by Garth Brooks, "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait, "Believe" by Brooks & Dunn, "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, "Desperado" by Clint Black. lol how about the top 5? But then that leaves out Cher, Elton, Elvis, Rod Stewart, KISS, Queen.......
5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question.
This is a hard one, I've been trying to read so many lately and several I've read from the beginning that were inspiring. But I'd have to say it's not a blog but a comment on one of my posts from LDswims. She helped me put my freak-out into perspective today.
1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?
the pink Care Bear, I too want to fart gumdrops! Plus they were my daughter's absolute favortie when she was little so they make me smile.
2. Who was your teenage heart throb? (Thanks Fiona for this one)
David Cassidy, showing my age here with the Partridge family! oh and then there was also Little Joe from Bonanza! Can't believe I almost forgot him.
3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?
Definitely more mental for me. Altho I can't seem to figure out why, I had a good childhood no real trauma like so many have to overcome. Plus I was very thin until I had my first baby, then slightly overweight until after I had my son 5 years later, then all hell broke loose. But I've also gotten into a bad habit of large portions.
4. What’s your all-time favorite song?
hmmm this is a hard one, my music is all over the place and hard to narrow to one. "The Dance" by Garth Brooks, "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait, "Believe" by Brooks & Dunn, "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, "Desperado" by Clint Black. lol how about the top 5? But then that leaves out Cher, Elton, Elvis, Rod Stewart, KISS, Queen.......
5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question.
This is a hard one, I've been trying to read so many lately and several I've read from the beginning that were inspiring. But I'd have to say it's not a blog but a comment on one of my posts from LDswims. She helped me put my freak-out into perspective today.
New seminar date
I'm signed up for June 7. 3 weeks. I wish they would let you just make an appointment and get started because I was all jazzed about it.
Now? not so much.....
I'm in the middle of a massive pity party. The weight I lost while I was sick is now back. And no wonder with the way I eat. Yesterday for instance, greek yogurt when I got to the office. Good and filled me up.
But less than an hour later I was in the shop getting a pack of chocolate donuts. Then for lunch I met my quilty buds for our usual Thursday lunch at a mexican restaurant. Combo burrito green, a big one. But I didn't hog out on chips. Then went to the grocery store and bought NutterButter (not the cookie ones, the ones with pb creme inside) along with my "normal" stuff. Came back to the office for a while and ate THE.ENTIRE.BAG.
WTF???? At least I managed to eat somewhat sensibly for supper.....
I know getting the band won't make me loose weight by itself. I've got to get it together. I thought I was finally getting my head together and so I knew the band was the right thing to do now. But I don't. If I don't get rid of this "poor me" attitude I'll never get healthy.
I wish I could raise my leg up high enough to kick myself in the ass......
I've also come across lots of blogs this week with people having lots of trouble with sliming, PBing and have to do liquids for days and days. This too has me freaking out. I want something to help me with portion control, not have to give up food period. On top of being kinda f'd up in my head, I LIKE to eat. It is the only time DH and I sit down together without being bombarded with work stuff. It's our social life. Everything revolves around eating.....
ughhh how the hell am I ever going to do this?
Sorry to be such a Debbie-Downer today. I'll try to do Draz's BOYC after I get back from the bank and stop whining.....
Now? not so much.....
I'm in the middle of a massive pity party. The weight I lost while I was sick is now back. And no wonder with the way I eat. Yesterday for instance, greek yogurt when I got to the office. Good and filled me up.
But less than an hour later I was in the shop getting a pack of chocolate donuts. Then for lunch I met my quilty buds for our usual Thursday lunch at a mexican restaurant. Combo burrito green, a big one. But I didn't hog out on chips. Then went to the grocery store and bought NutterButter (not the cookie ones, the ones with pb creme inside) along with my "normal" stuff. Came back to the office for a while and ate THE.ENTIRE.BAG.
WTF???? At least I managed to eat somewhat sensibly for supper.....
I know getting the band won't make me loose weight by itself. I've got to get it together. I thought I was finally getting my head together and so I knew the band was the right thing to do now. But I don't. If I don't get rid of this "poor me" attitude I'll never get healthy.
I wish I could raise my leg up high enough to kick myself in the ass......
I've also come across lots of blogs this week with people having lots of trouble with sliming, PBing and have to do liquids for days and days. This too has me freaking out. I want something to help me with portion control, not have to give up food period. On top of being kinda f'd up in my head, I LIKE to eat. It is the only time DH and I sit down together without being bombarded with work stuff. It's our social life. Everything revolves around eating.....
ughhh how the hell am I ever going to do this?
Sorry to be such a Debbie-Downer today. I'll try to do Draz's BOYC after I get back from the bank and stop whining.....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Bad news and leads to more bad news
I good friend of our's passed away yesterday from cancer and the funeral is Saturday morning. So that means no LB seminar on Saturday. I'm bummed a little I must say but attending the funeral is more important right now. He was only 62 and just way to damn young for this. Please keep his wife and sons in your prayers please.
On a lighter note.... I'll call the doctor's office tomorrow and see if I can go ahead and schedule an appt with them to get paperwork/insurance game started without going to the seminar first. For some reason it's in my head that you "have" to attend the seminar first. So we'll see.
I've also lost another pound. I'm trying really hard to get more protein during the day and pay attention to my calories. NO peanut M&Ms for a week now. NO little chocolate donuts at the office for a week now. I'm also watching tho to make sure I don't go below 40BMI because of the insurance game. Of course that is still 16 pounds away, but ya never know........
Gen ~ Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth has just started doing the LB at Lovelace Westside Hosp. He comes in once a month and does LBs, fills, checkups, etc. When I called for the seminar dates they said he was also training someone to do the fills and then I read online somewhere (LBT Maybe?) that he was also training another surgeon to do LBs. I'm surprised as big as Abq is that someone hasn't started doing them before now. I'm just glad he's at a Lovelace hosp and my Lovelace insurance will consider it.
Today: weight: 256.4
Terri
On a lighter note.... I'll call the doctor's office tomorrow and see if I can go ahead and schedule an appt with them to get paperwork/insurance game started without going to the seminar first. For some reason it's in my head that you "have" to attend the seminar first. So we'll see.
I've also lost another pound. I'm trying really hard to get more protein during the day and pay attention to my calories. NO peanut M&Ms for a week now. NO little chocolate donuts at the office for a week now. I'm also watching tho to make sure I don't go below 40BMI because of the insurance game. Of course that is still 16 pounds away, but ya never know........
Gen ~ Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth has just started doing the LB at Lovelace Westside Hosp. He comes in once a month and does LBs, fills, checkups, etc. When I called for the seminar dates they said he was also training someone to do the fills and then I read online somewhere (LBT Maybe?) that he was also training another surgeon to do LBs. I'm surprised as big as Abq is that someone hasn't started doing them before now. I'm just glad he's at a Lovelace hosp and my Lovelace insurance will consider it.
Today: weight: 256.4
Terri
Friday, April 30, 2010
Labs back
Nurse called this morning and my labs look good. Not even pre-diabetic, which is what scares me right now. I know my weight is making that a time-bomb. LDL is a little high but everything else looks good. So that's good to know.
I wish the seminar was tomorrow instead of next Saturday, I'm ready to get this going! lol I've really tried to watch what I've been eating and stop myself if I'm on the prowl for food just because I'm bored. And drinking more. So I've lost 2 lbs!! I'm sure it's the water because I'm ALWAYS in the bathroom!! lol But that's ok, it's water I didn't need anyway.
Lori it looks like they will be finished with the shop work and be back out on location the middle of the week. WOOO HOOO!! lol can't wait to have my quiet office back. Now if the wind will just stop blowing 24/7!
I wish the seminar was tomorrow instead of next Saturday, I'm ready to get this going! lol I've really tried to watch what I've been eating and stop myself if I'm on the prowl for food just because I'm bored. And drinking more. So I've lost 2 lbs!! I'm sure it's the water because I'm ALWAYS in the bathroom!! lol But that's ok, it's water I didn't need anyway.
Lori it looks like they will be finished with the shop work and be back out on location the middle of the week. WOOO HOOO!! lol can't wait to have my quiet office back. Now if the wind will just stop blowing 24/7!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
part deux
freak-out is over so now back to our regularly scheduled program......
I told DH tonight and in true fashion he didn't say a word for about 5 min. His lack of verbal communication is a joke with all of his/our friends lol. We were at Red Lobster ( and I did really really good) and almost done with our meal when I brought it up. The table next to us was to close and I could everything they were talking about so I waited until they left. His first question was why don't they do it here? Why only Albuquerque? I then explained how far some have to go, only in the last few months have I had this close of a choice. Otherwise it would be Phoenix or Denver or maybe El Paso. He sat quietly again, he was watching the booth across the way, 2 couples from Belgium (how they ended up in the podunk town is beyond me!) and only one spoke very little english. The waitress just spoke louder when then didn't understand and spoke like to them like they were stupid. I so wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her they are not deaf or dumb, they speak French!
anyway I digress...... then he asks, when do you go? Just like that.
I.am.my.own.worst.enemy......
So I explained a little about the insurance games but didn't go into much detail just yet as the waitress was still trying to take those poor people's order.
I think I'll blame my nutcaseness on several things today.......
wind - it's been blowing 30-35 with gusts to 55 for TWO DAYS
dirt in the sky like you wouldn't believe
I'm sick - part allergies part nasty cold with sore throat
it is supposed to snow tonight. It's almost freakin May!
we've been together 24/7 for almost 2 weeks now, hopefully Monday they can go back out to location so I can have my days to myself
I get my labs tomorrow and then after that I'm on hold until I go to the seminar on 5/8. That's ok I guess, more time for obsessively reading y'alls blogs! And learning how to make mine pretty like every else's.
:) Terri
I told DH tonight and in true fashion he didn't say a word for about 5 min. His lack of verbal communication is a joke with all of his/our friends lol. We were at Red Lobster ( and I did really really good) and almost done with our meal when I brought it up. The table next to us was to close and I could everything they were talking about so I waited until they left. His first question was why don't they do it here? Why only Albuquerque? I then explained how far some have to go, only in the last few months have I had this close of a choice. Otherwise it would be Phoenix or Denver or maybe El Paso. He sat quietly again, he was watching the booth across the way, 2 couples from Belgium (how they ended up in the podunk town is beyond me!) and only one spoke very little english. The waitress just spoke louder when then didn't understand and spoke like to them like they were stupid. I so wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her they are not deaf or dumb, they speak French!
anyway I digress...... then he asks, when do you go? Just like that.
I.am.my.own.worst.enemy......
So I explained a little about the insurance games but didn't go into much detail just yet as the waitress was still trying to take those poor people's order.
I think I'll blame my nutcaseness on several things today.......
wind - it's been blowing 30-35 with gusts to 55 for TWO DAYS
dirt in the sky like you wouldn't believe
I'm sick - part allergies part nasty cold with sore throat
it is supposed to snow tonight. It's almost freakin May!
we've been together 24/7 for almost 2 weeks now, hopefully Monday they can go back out to location so I can have my days to myself
I get my labs tomorrow and then after that I'm on hold until I go to the seminar on 5/8. That's ok I guess, more time for obsessively reading y'alls blogs! And learning how to make mine pretty like every else's.
:) Terri
The ball is rolling...
kindof! I met with the new PCP this morning and really like her alot. She was very supportive of the band as long as I didn't get it done in Mexico. She said they won't do followup care on anyone that has a procedure done out of the country. So far so good, I only want to go 3.5 hours to Albuquerque lol. Tuesday my insurace carrier told me my PCP office had to get the ball rolling and they would send the requirements to her. Well she had never heard that and had no idea how to get it started without guidelines from ins. So PCP will talk to the office ins coordinator and I offered to call carrier back.
Well I got someone so helpful this time. She read me the basics, first my policy definitely covers the band (lady before wouldn't ever tell me for sure) so that was a relief. You have to have a BMI over 40 w/o co-morbities or 35 with and she read off several. Either way I'm covered, as I'm on BP meds also. No smoking, good there. Then I got a little confused....
She said I needed to be on a supervised diet/exercise program for 6 months, ok heard this Tuesday. But then she said something about being on plan for 3 consecutive months with a weight loss. So this brings up 2 questions she couldn't really answer.....
If over the last 6 mos PCP and I have talked about diet/exercise and I say I've tried does that qualify? or if I pull my head out the next "3" mos and loose weight will that work?
It's a little confusing at this point, which is to be expected I suppose, it is insurance after all. But they are going to fax me the guidelines this afternoon and I'll meet with PCP again. So all in all it sounds fairly hopeful. She was surprised to see that former PCP had me getting a B12 shot only every 3 mos. So she is changing it to every month for a few and recheck my levels. Then they also did a blood draw to check everything else. Plus I've lost 2 lbs since my last B12 shot so maybe these last 2 mos can count toward my 6! lol
And I'm sure I'll learn more about the insurance game when I go to the seminar. As this is the only surgeon, Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth, that is contracted with my carrier.
Now I need to start dealing with the tell/don't tell decision. I understand both sides. I've already told my mother that I'm thinking about it and one friend that I used to work with (at in insurance agency no less lol). I quilt with a group of ladies that I'm not real sure about telling because I don't really know them well enough to guess how they will react. But the hard ones are those closest to me, my DH, kids and best friend.
I'll start with best friend..... she's not real keen on WLS. She's worried about the dangers, but as an overweight person herself she understands the dangers of being heavy also. And if I decide to do it I have no doubt at all she will be totally supportive. I'm just a little hesitant for some reason.
Then my kids...... they will be worried I'm sure because there are risks after all. But they'll be glad to see me loose weight for health reasons. I'm just terrified of telling then "yet again" I'm going to loose it and not do it yet again. I could get away with not tell DD, she lives in Phoenix and is going to law school. But DS lives in the same town and works for us. And is nosey....... It would be extremely hard to hide it from him. Even if I only had to miss 2 or 3 office days he would be like a dog with a bone trying to figure out why!
Then there is the DH...... (dont' ask what the "D" stands for right now) I've very hesitant to talk to him about this. I'm sure this sounds complete insane to most of you (if not all) because all the blogs I've read so far say you're married to your best friend. Not so much here. We've been married for 31 years and for the last 5 years we've also worked together. O.M.G. that part is so much harder than what I thought it would be. He's an incredibly hard worker, has provided for us very well (he likes to spend the money and doesn't mind at all if I do too. rough huh? :) I know he loves me and I do love him (altho this may make that hard to believe lol) but my weight has been a source of contention for years. So I know he won't be opposed to the band. But......
What if that contention (or maybe the word I'm searching for is uneasyness? can't find the right one at the moment) is still there AFTER? I know loosing weight won't make be suddenly happy and content. It also know it won't fix whatever might be wrong in our marriage. I've recently come to the realization that this is a big part of why I've self-sabotagded (omg sp?) any efforts at loosing over the last 15 years, I'm scared. And HOLY CRAP I can't believe I'm telling a bunch of strangers this........
So am I happy "now"? no not really, but like anything this to shall pass.
Is it my weight? partly
Is it my marriage? I don't honestly know, because I do love him. But I hear alot "my DH loves me the way I am", not so much here. But has it gone on for to long and we've grown to far apart?
Good Lord I need a therapist............................
But at least now I'm asking these hard questions. For years I ignored them and ate and ate and ate. So I think I'm off to a pretty good start!
T.
oh and thank you all for the nice comments! They made me smile!
Well I got someone so helpful this time. She read me the basics, first my policy definitely covers the band (lady before wouldn't ever tell me for sure) so that was a relief. You have to have a BMI over 40 w/o co-morbities or 35 with and she read off several. Either way I'm covered, as I'm on BP meds also. No smoking, good there. Then I got a little confused....
She said I needed to be on a supervised diet/exercise program for 6 months, ok heard this Tuesday. But then she said something about being on plan for 3 consecutive months with a weight loss. So this brings up 2 questions she couldn't really answer.....
If over the last 6 mos PCP and I have talked about diet/exercise and I say I've tried does that qualify? or if I pull my head out the next "3" mos and loose weight will that work?
It's a little confusing at this point, which is to be expected I suppose, it is insurance after all. But they are going to fax me the guidelines this afternoon and I'll meet with PCP again. So all in all it sounds fairly hopeful. She was surprised to see that former PCP had me getting a B12 shot only every 3 mos. So she is changing it to every month for a few and recheck my levels. Then they also did a blood draw to check everything else. Plus I've lost 2 lbs since my last B12 shot so maybe these last 2 mos can count toward my 6! lol
And I'm sure I'll learn more about the insurance game when I go to the seminar. As this is the only surgeon, Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth, that is contracted with my carrier.
Now I need to start dealing with the tell/don't tell decision. I understand both sides. I've already told my mother that I'm thinking about it and one friend that I used to work with (at in insurance agency no less lol). I quilt with a group of ladies that I'm not real sure about telling because I don't really know them well enough to guess how they will react. But the hard ones are those closest to me, my DH, kids and best friend.
I'll start with best friend..... she's not real keen on WLS. She's worried about the dangers, but as an overweight person herself she understands the dangers of being heavy also. And if I decide to do it I have no doubt at all she will be totally supportive. I'm just a little hesitant for some reason.
Then my kids...... they will be worried I'm sure because there are risks after all. But they'll be glad to see me loose weight for health reasons. I'm just terrified of telling then "yet again" I'm going to loose it and not do it yet again. I could get away with not tell DD, she lives in Phoenix and is going to law school. But DS lives in the same town and works for us. And is nosey....... It would be extremely hard to hide it from him. Even if I only had to miss 2 or 3 office days he would be like a dog with a bone trying to figure out why!
Then there is the DH...... (dont' ask what the "D" stands for right now) I've very hesitant to talk to him about this. I'm sure this sounds complete insane to most of you (if not all) because all the blogs I've read so far say you're married to your best friend. Not so much here. We've been married for 31 years and for the last 5 years we've also worked together. O.M.G. that part is so much harder than what I thought it would be. He's an incredibly hard worker, has provided for us very well (he likes to spend the money and doesn't mind at all if I do too. rough huh? :) I know he loves me and I do love him (altho this may make that hard to believe lol) but my weight has been a source of contention for years. So I know he won't be opposed to the band. But......
What if that contention (or maybe the word I'm searching for is uneasyness? can't find the right one at the moment) is still there AFTER? I know loosing weight won't make be suddenly happy and content. It also know it won't fix whatever might be wrong in our marriage. I've recently come to the realization that this is a big part of why I've self-sabotagded (omg sp?) any efforts at loosing over the last 15 years, I'm scared. And HOLY CRAP I can't believe I'm telling a bunch of strangers this........
So am I happy "now"? no not really, but like anything this to shall pass.
Is it my weight? partly
Is it my marriage? I don't honestly know, because I do love him. But I hear alot "my DH loves me the way I am", not so much here. But has it gone on for to long and we've grown to far apart?
Good Lord I need a therapist............................
But at least now I'm asking these hard questions. For years I ignored them and ate and ate and ate. So I think I'm off to a pretty good start!
T.
oh and thank you all for the nice comments! They made me smile!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
A start and I'm nervous....
I just called the Bariatric center and they have a seminar in 1 1/2 weeks AND he said my insurance carrier is getting pretty good about the surgery.........
omg I'm shaking and about to cry. (what a dork) Anyway I'll back up just in case I do manage to keep up with this and am able to help someone else someday with this journey as all the great blogs I've found that have helped me get this far.
I'm 49 (will be 5-0 in August EEEKKKK!), married with 2 grown kids and owned by 3 obnoxious dogs. Plus for the time being we have DD's 2 dogs. yeah, lots of fun. Oh and almost forgot her cat.....
I really didn't want to be "morbidly obese" for my 50th birthday. But the days are going by faster and faster and it will be here before I know it and I'll still be MO. But for this moment I'm ok with it because I'm starting to take steps to change that. The phone call this morning to the clinic was the first "real" step.
I was skinny as a kid and up until I got pregnant the first time. Then I went wild and gained 75 pounds, altho some of that was water retention from eclampsia. After a year I was within 15 or so pounds of where I should be. Over the next 3 years I was up and down 20-30 pounds. Then when DD was 4 I got pregnant again. This time I was careful about what I ate (I thought) but still gained lots. The morning I checked into the hospital (repeat C-section) I weighed in at 201. At 5'5" that was bad and I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I still remember that humiliated feeling.....
Over the next few years I bounced around size 14-18, still to big for my height, but not morbid. I've lost weight with WW and Atkins but put it back on (and then some) several times. The past 5 or so years I just gave up. Why keep trying?
My doc moved and my new one put me on antidepressants and ran all sort of tests. Come to find out my B12 was 147, normal is in the 600-1010 range! No wonder I've felt like crap for so long.......
So bi-monthly B12 injections and AD meds and I'm feeling much better. So much that I've been toying with the Band idea for about a year now. Along with that a couple of very humiliating moments over the past few months plus all of the AARP mail, damn them, have finally gotten my attention.
Maybe it's finally time..........
T.
o and I might as well get it out there ~ weight today: 262.4 BMI ~ 43 wear size 24W/3X
omg I'm shaking and about to cry. (what a dork) Anyway I'll back up just in case I do manage to keep up with this and am able to help someone else someday with this journey as all the great blogs I've found that have helped me get this far.
I'm 49 (will be 5-0 in August EEEKKKK!), married with 2 grown kids and owned by 3 obnoxious dogs. Plus for the time being we have DD's 2 dogs. yeah, lots of fun. Oh and almost forgot her cat.....
I really didn't want to be "morbidly obese" for my 50th birthday. But the days are going by faster and faster and it will be here before I know it and I'll still be MO. But for this moment I'm ok with it because I'm starting to take steps to change that. The phone call this morning to the clinic was the first "real" step.
I was skinny as a kid and up until I got pregnant the first time. Then I went wild and gained 75 pounds, altho some of that was water retention from eclampsia. After a year I was within 15 or so pounds of where I should be. Over the next 3 years I was up and down 20-30 pounds. Then when DD was 4 I got pregnant again. This time I was careful about what I ate (I thought) but still gained lots. The morning I checked into the hospital (repeat C-section) I weighed in at 201. At 5'5" that was bad and I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I still remember that humiliated feeling.....
Over the next few years I bounced around size 14-18, still to big for my height, but not morbid. I've lost weight with WW and Atkins but put it back on (and then some) several times. The past 5 or so years I just gave up. Why keep trying?
My doc moved and my new one put me on antidepressants and ran all sort of tests. Come to find out my B12 was 147, normal is in the 600-1010 range! No wonder I've felt like crap for so long.......
So bi-monthly B12 injections and AD meds and I'm feeling much better. So much that I've been toying with the Band idea for about a year now. Along with that a couple of very humiliating moments over the past few months plus all of the AARP mail, damn them, have finally gotten my attention.
Maybe it's finally time..........
T.
o and I might as well get it out there ~ weight today: 262.4 BMI ~ 43 wear size 24W/3X
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