Some things to look forward to

This post may seem like a major whine-fest but it's not meant to be that way.  I just want to get down the things that bother me due to being overweight.  I need to write it down because I suffer from massive CRS (can't remember shit) and when I get down on myself for not loosing fast enough I want to be able to look back and see the progress I've made :)     So if you don't want to listen to my aches/pains stop now lol.

Physical symptoms:

• back hurts most of the time - I can't hardly stand at the sink long enough to do dishes (and that means rinse and put in dishwasher!) because my upper and lower back start to hurt so bad
• ankles hurt ALL the time
• knees are starting to hurt
• feet hurt - wear flipflops all the time, heels are out of the question.  In winter I lived in Nikes until I discovered Roper mules (look like boots when on with pants)
• right hip starting to give me trouble
• tired of that "stiff" walk whenever I get up, either from sitting from just a few minutes to first thing in the morning.  It hurts!
• constantly retaining fluid, my finger,s hurt from it and I'm sure it's from eating crap because it's so much better since I started preop diet
• can't walk from the house to the car without being short of breath, much less exercise
• tired alllll the time
• shin splints
• snore

On a positive note, things I want to be able to do

• sit with my legs crossed
• shop in regular sizes
• be able to wear a pair of Fat Baby boots
• for some odd reason I want to be able to run!  Not sure why, never was able to as a kid, and I was very thin until my late 20s.  Always got that awful side pain and had to stop.
• wear a watch
• not be consumed by my next meal and/or snack, I'm tired of it ruling my life
• share a hotel room with friends at quilt retreats without keeping them awake all night
• feel good about myself again

So there I go.  Will probably have to edit to add to each list and I remember things. :)

Something just now hit me........

Eating is my pastime. A hobby if you will. This is my first weekend on my preop diet and I'm having a hard time staying out of the pantry. I'm bored and want to eat. Wow I didn't expect this. I knew I ate out of boredom some, but as a pasttime? wow is all I know to say.................

I'm going to gnaw my arm off.....

Started preop diet on Monday and I'm so tired I can't see straight and I want to eat something so bad I can hardly stand it. BUT, I'm not and that's a yay for me. My preop consists of replacing 2 meals each day with a protein shake. I got the Bariatric Advantage vanilla from Lovelace and it's good. One day I added a spoon of peanut butter and that was real good. Now I need to get to the grocery store and get some things like bananas and sf choc syrup. The 3rd meal is soup. They told me at preop appt that is had to be blended. But the paperwork says nothing about blended soup, just not cream base bc of the calories. Then I met a girl on LBT that is the same day/doctor as I am and they told her any soup. NOT blended. Shit they need to get it together there.......................





So these last couple of week have been full of ups and downs. I'll start where my last post left off.





Had CT for kidney stones and yep I've gottem. On BOTH sides. damn. Scheduled Lithotripsy to blast those suckers on 7/12. First 2 appts with urologist I told him about LB and he said he didn't see any problem, it would be up to the LB surgeon. BOTH appts I talked to him about this.





Forward to 6/30 and I go to Albuquerque (3 hour drive) for my preops for LB. I left my house at 7am and didn't get home until 8:30pm. I swear Lovelace Bariatric dept is the MOST unorganized office I've ever seen. I had called them several times and asked them to talk to the surgeon about the kidney thing. Finally someone said they had and surgeon had no problem with LB surgery being a week later. ok. Show up for preops, filled out forms while waiting. Basic forms like meds, surgeries and family history kinda stuff. Then saw NP and spent about 30 min with her. Back to the waiting area for 20-30 min.





Then on to the psyc. But they couldn't find my file so I filled out ANOTHER set of forms. Along with lots of other basic questions from her. Such as support at home, goals etc. I really enjoyed talking to her. Then back to waiting area to wait for NUT appt.





Get to nut and guess what? Didn't have my paperwork........................





Now in defense this hospital they are at is small and just starting a remodel/addition. The bariatric dept moved the day before into the old cardio dept. They didn't even have printers hooked up. Everytime they tried to print they had to go hunt for it in other departments close by. I understand and sympathize with that but damn.





So start answering the same questions again. Then someone finds my file and brings it in. ok onto the NUT portion of the program. Something about this poor lady just annoyed.the.piss.out.of.me! She was nice enough but I had had enough of her semi-condescending voice. back to waiting area..............





Go back to finalize paperwork and schedule the preop consult with the surgeon. Oh and I told everyone of these people about the Lithotripsy and all just said oooooo. nice. So surgeon consult is the Saturday before my Monday surgery. It's a 15 min appt. o.m.g. 15 min? I've got to drive 3 hours each way for 15 mins? ok.





We talk about down payment. ok. But they can't take it because that part of the system is still down. okkkkkk





Then they realize the NP didn't do the preop portion, just a consult. Crap so back to her office. And guess what???? Answer the same freakn questions again. But this time she goes into detail about the entire procedure. And says she'll get me paperwork for bloodwork, etc. But she doesn't.





But at least she did get my scrip for pain meds and anti-nausea!





So they confer and decide I can consult with the other surgeon since I live 3 hrs away. So back to the waiting area.





FOR 3 HOURS!





ughhh oh well. By this time all the people with fill appts are starting to come in and I overhear the talking about the long wait times. They are a little annoyed. And they think this office is to disorganized. Imagine that..............





By the time I get in to see the surgeon I hear her telling them out front that she absolutely has to leave in 45 min. And there are 2 of us that they kept for consults. I'm pissed by now and if she rushes thru this I'm done. I'll start over somewhere else. All I've lost at this point is a day of my time, haven't paid them a dime yet.





When she comes in she is the nicest little thing. Looks about 16 years old. But so nice and seemed truly excited for me. Consult with her goes great and she doesn't rush at all. whew. Even tho I was told the NP had talked to her about my Lithotripsy I asked her again. Didn't appear she had ever hear about it. But she is a general surgeon and way busy so maybe they did. But she has no problem with it, she says it's really up to my Uro. But we realize I don't have orders for bloodwork so have to find someone to write that up. And guess what? CAN'T FIND MY FREAKN FILE AGAIN. sonofabitch.................





Finally left, went straight to Chik-fila, then started home. NO shopping and the mall was right there. ughhhhhhh





Preop appt with Urologist is 7/5. Thought I was going to see the head Uro that will do the procedure but nope it's the same one as before. Figured I better mention the LB again just to make sure. Only this time he looks at me like I have two freakn heads! Says he doesn't think it's a good idea. WTF??????





Tells me Head Uro will have to make that call after the procedure. He says you'll be in pain from the procedure and the passing of the stone pieces. If that's all hell I'll be in pain from the LB too!





So call NP at Lovelace and I'm pissed. I tell her I told him twice before this and now 13 days out he says this. So she pushed me back one day, to 7/20. If not that day it will be the end of August. So after the Lithotripsy I'll ask the Head Uro if I can go ahead with it. In the meantime I'm doing my loverly preop diet. Gotta have hope :)



If anyone actually stuck it out until the end of this, bless you! This was one long rambling post lol.



Now for updated stats. As of this morning weight is 259.6! Not so good compared to my last update, but Dh was out of town for the most part from the end of May to end of June and I ate like CRAP. seriously. crap.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Is my surgery date!!! Reserved my spot this morning and will go for pre-op appts in 2 weeks (ish). ackkkkk now I'm freaking out again.

But this all depends on a CT scan I have to have tomorrow. Possible kidney stones. Fun times.

Luckily I'm not in any pain just yet so I don't know what they'll do, if anything. Find that out Monday. With my first stone the pain knocked me to the floor, literally. And made me throw up. Don't eveah want to go thru that again. Oh and NO pain meds, found out I was 2 weeks pregnant seconds before they turned on the xray machine. Good timing. The Urologist did praise me on the strength of my urine tho. He was all happy and I was soooo proud. Diluted urine. The stuff dreams are made of.

And o.m.g. I'm already worrying about what I'm going to eat in the next 4 weeks. Cause you know I'll never be able to eat again. Nothing but broth for the rest of my years. WTF?

I'm a nutcase.

On a happy note..... DD got her grades, a B, B+, C+ and C. whoo hooo first year of law school is done! But now she is thinking of changing schools (hers is a little lacking on the having it together front. Great professors, crappy admin). She's looking at Jacksonville FL. That's a 3 DAY drive from here! good gosh I'm tired of moving her stuff. But she's in law school so it's all good. :)

Anybody from the JAX area?

oh and I don't do humidity.

at all.

Over and out so I can go dream of my last meal (or 28 meals)...............

Good news / Bad news kinda day

First I want to thank you for the comments on my last 2 posts. I'm now leaning strongly toward self pay, I will explain more why below. And while I agree with Jacquie that self paying is a big motivator, it's still stressful as you all well know. It also makes me feel better that everyone else stresses about all this too and it's not just me lol.

As for my PCP it does really annoy me they feel this way. But unfortunately I live in a fairly small town without an abundance of good doctors. It's hard to find one you like. If I had other good choices I would seriously think about changing. But I like her other than this and Mexico is not an option right now anyway.

So my news.... I had an appointment with my accountant and attorney this morning and asked the accountant about the advantages tax wise of self pay. Bad news. Elective surgery is not deductible he says. So darn. But did I mislead him when "I" called it elective? Maybe with a doctor's recommendation it wouldn't be considered elective? Something I didn't think of until after I was on my way back to the office. Altho I did tell him what it was for so I think he would have mentioned that if it was an option. He also personally knows of 2 people here in town that have had it done with wonderful results. So that was good to know.

Good news? I talked to DH about self pay and he was ok with it. So that's what I'm going to do. woo hoo! So now I just have to make a decision about a surgeon. Right now my options are Dr. Smith from Ft Worth, he goes to Albuquerque once a month and his staff at the seminar was very nice. Plus it's only a 3 hour drive. BUT it's $15,500 ughh

2nd is Denver, a 6-7ish hour drive or can fly. 2 good doctors there, one of them the cost is $9900.

3rd is Phoenix. DD lives there so could stay with her, but a 6.5 hour drive. Cost is $15K-ish (can't find my notebook grrr)

So all good doctors, all good hospitals. DH says Albuquerque because over time it wouldn't really save any money when you consider the travel costs. Plus should something happen that I need to see someone fairly quickly 3 hours isn't bad. I guess I'm leaning toward Abq for now. More obsessive computer time to come.....

Now I'm having a hard time settling down to work! I might be banded in the next couple of months!!!!!

Banding in Mexico

Jacquie's comment on my last post brings up another question. If you've been banded in Mexico do any of your docs have a problem with it, or do they even know? My PCP straight up told me that if I go to Mexico to be banded they will no longer see me. For anything.

I don't really have any desire to go there, I would rather do it in the States if possible, but dang I can maybe understand not doing any follow up on the band but not at all?

I guess that's what happens when you live in a small town without many doctors to begin with.....

small update...

The surgeon's office has heard from my insurance. It is possibly a covered procedure, BUT.....

6 months supervised diet with my doctor, WW or any of those won't count. I asked if the fact that we talk about my weight everytime I see her counted and they didn't think so. Then I have to loose 20 pounds. After that they will "review". So 6 months from now they could still say no.

I was going to call the insurance company today and try to talk to someone that could give me details about how to get approved. Will my past appointments count? If not do my appointments need to be billed with a certain code? Anybody have any thoughts on other questions I should ask?

Then Thursday we have a meeting with our accountant and I'm going to talk to him about the possible tax advantages of self-pay. My estimated cost with ins will be $2500, selfpay cost $15,500. So we'll see ...

BUT a big problem with self-pay.......................... I'm completely totally 100% terrified of failing yet again at loosing weight and spending $15K to do it!! This fear is a big part of what stops me from trying, and yes I realize how stupid that is. My bff has been trying and trying to stop smoking and just can't seem to. But I tell her all the time she hasn't failed until she STOPS trying. As long as you are trying there is hope.

So why don't I listen to me?????? I'm as bad as my kids! lol

oh and tomorrow I'm having lunch with a lady from LBT that lives near me! Can't wait to meet my first "internet person" lol. Remember when something like this was a bad thing? Internet people were scawwy! :) I remember being scared to go in a chat room for the first time 9 years ago!

So we'll see what the insurance peeps have to say tomorrow. I'm not holding out much hope that they will say anything tho, it is insurance after all!