Nurse called this morning and my labs look good. Not even pre-diabetic, which is what scares me right now. I know my weight is making that a time-bomb. LDL is a little high but everything else looks good. So that's good to know.
I wish the seminar was tomorrow instead of next Saturday, I'm ready to get this going! lol I've really tried to watch what I've been eating and stop myself if I'm on the prowl for food just because I'm bored. And drinking more. So I've lost 2 lbs!! I'm sure it's the water because I'm ALWAYS in the bathroom!! lol But that's ok, it's water I didn't need anyway.
Lori it looks like they will be finished with the shop work and be back out on location the middle of the week. WOOO HOOO!! lol can't wait to have my quiet office back. Now if the wind will just stop blowing 24/7!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
part deux
freak-out is over so now back to our regularly scheduled program......
I told DH tonight and in true fashion he didn't say a word for about 5 min. His lack of verbal communication is a joke with all of his/our friends lol. We were at Red Lobster ( and I did really really good) and almost done with our meal when I brought it up. The table next to us was to close and I could everything they were talking about so I waited until they left. His first question was why don't they do it here? Why only Albuquerque? I then explained how far some have to go, only in the last few months have I had this close of a choice. Otherwise it would be Phoenix or Denver or maybe El Paso. He sat quietly again, he was watching the booth across the way, 2 couples from Belgium (how they ended up in the podunk town is beyond me!) and only one spoke very little english. The waitress just spoke louder when then didn't understand and spoke like to them like they were stupid. I so wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her they are not deaf or dumb, they speak French!
anyway I digress...... then he asks, when do you go? Just like that.
I.am.my.own.worst.enemy......
So I explained a little about the insurance games but didn't go into much detail just yet as the waitress was still trying to take those poor people's order.
I think I'll blame my nutcaseness on several things today.......
wind - it's been blowing 30-35 with gusts to 55 for TWO DAYS
dirt in the sky like you wouldn't believe
I'm sick - part allergies part nasty cold with sore throat
it is supposed to snow tonight. It's almost freakin May!
we've been together 24/7 for almost 2 weeks now, hopefully Monday they can go back out to location so I can have my days to myself
I get my labs tomorrow and then after that I'm on hold until I go to the seminar on 5/8. That's ok I guess, more time for obsessively reading y'alls blogs! And learning how to make mine pretty like every else's.
:) Terri
I told DH tonight and in true fashion he didn't say a word for about 5 min. His lack of verbal communication is a joke with all of his/our friends lol. We were at Red Lobster ( and I did really really good) and almost done with our meal when I brought it up. The table next to us was to close and I could everything they were talking about so I waited until they left. His first question was why don't they do it here? Why only Albuquerque? I then explained how far some have to go, only in the last few months have I had this close of a choice. Otherwise it would be Phoenix or Denver or maybe El Paso. He sat quietly again, he was watching the booth across the way, 2 couples from Belgium (how they ended up in the podunk town is beyond me!) and only one spoke very little english. The waitress just spoke louder when then didn't understand and spoke like to them like they were stupid. I so wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her they are not deaf or dumb, they speak French!
anyway I digress...... then he asks, when do you go? Just like that.
I.am.my.own.worst.enemy......
So I explained a little about the insurance games but didn't go into much detail just yet as the waitress was still trying to take those poor people's order.
I think I'll blame my nutcaseness on several things today.......
wind - it's been blowing 30-35 with gusts to 55 for TWO DAYS
dirt in the sky like you wouldn't believe
I'm sick - part allergies part nasty cold with sore throat
it is supposed to snow tonight. It's almost freakin May!
we've been together 24/7 for almost 2 weeks now, hopefully Monday they can go back out to location so I can have my days to myself
I get my labs tomorrow and then after that I'm on hold until I go to the seminar on 5/8. That's ok I guess, more time for obsessively reading y'alls blogs! And learning how to make mine pretty like every else's.
:) Terri
The ball is rolling...
kindof! I met with the new PCP this morning and really like her alot. She was very supportive of the band as long as I didn't get it done in Mexico. She said they won't do followup care on anyone that has a procedure done out of the country. So far so good, I only want to go 3.5 hours to Albuquerque lol. Tuesday my insurace carrier told me my PCP office had to get the ball rolling and they would send the requirements to her. Well she had never heard that and had no idea how to get it started without guidelines from ins. So PCP will talk to the office ins coordinator and I offered to call carrier back.
Well I got someone so helpful this time. She read me the basics, first my policy definitely covers the band (lady before wouldn't ever tell me for sure) so that was a relief. You have to have a BMI over 40 w/o co-morbities or 35 with and she read off several. Either way I'm covered, as I'm on BP meds also. No smoking, good there. Then I got a little confused....
She said I needed to be on a supervised diet/exercise program for 6 months, ok heard this Tuesday. But then she said something about being on plan for 3 consecutive months with a weight loss. So this brings up 2 questions she couldn't really answer.....
If over the last 6 mos PCP and I have talked about diet/exercise and I say I've tried does that qualify? or if I pull my head out the next "3" mos and loose weight will that work?
It's a little confusing at this point, which is to be expected I suppose, it is insurance after all. But they are going to fax me the guidelines this afternoon and I'll meet with PCP again. So all in all it sounds fairly hopeful. She was surprised to see that former PCP had me getting a B12 shot only every 3 mos. So she is changing it to every month for a few and recheck my levels. Then they also did a blood draw to check everything else. Plus I've lost 2 lbs since my last B12 shot so maybe these last 2 mos can count toward my 6! lol
And I'm sure I'll learn more about the insurance game when I go to the seminar. As this is the only surgeon, Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth, that is contracted with my carrier.
Now I need to start dealing with the tell/don't tell decision. I understand both sides. I've already told my mother that I'm thinking about it and one friend that I used to work with (at in insurance agency no less lol). I quilt with a group of ladies that I'm not real sure about telling because I don't really know them well enough to guess how they will react. But the hard ones are those closest to me, my DH, kids and best friend.
I'll start with best friend..... she's not real keen on WLS. She's worried about the dangers, but as an overweight person herself she understands the dangers of being heavy also. And if I decide to do it I have no doubt at all she will be totally supportive. I'm just a little hesitant for some reason.
Then my kids...... they will be worried I'm sure because there are risks after all. But they'll be glad to see me loose weight for health reasons. I'm just terrified of telling then "yet again" I'm going to loose it and not do it yet again. I could get away with not tell DD, she lives in Phoenix and is going to law school. But DS lives in the same town and works for us. And is nosey....... It would be extremely hard to hide it from him. Even if I only had to miss 2 or 3 office days he would be like a dog with a bone trying to figure out why!
Then there is the DH...... (dont' ask what the "D" stands for right now) I've very hesitant to talk to him about this. I'm sure this sounds complete insane to most of you (if not all) because all the blogs I've read so far say you're married to your best friend. Not so much here. We've been married for 31 years and for the last 5 years we've also worked together. O.M.G. that part is so much harder than what I thought it would be. He's an incredibly hard worker, has provided for us very well (he likes to spend the money and doesn't mind at all if I do too. rough huh? :) I know he loves me and I do love him (altho this may make that hard to believe lol) but my weight has been a source of contention for years. So I know he won't be opposed to the band. But......
What if that contention (or maybe the word I'm searching for is uneasyness? can't find the right one at the moment) is still there AFTER? I know loosing weight won't make be suddenly happy and content. It also know it won't fix whatever might be wrong in our marriage. I've recently come to the realization that this is a big part of why I've self-sabotagded (omg sp?) any efforts at loosing over the last 15 years, I'm scared. And HOLY CRAP I can't believe I'm telling a bunch of strangers this........
So am I happy "now"? no not really, but like anything this to shall pass.
Is it my weight? partly
Is it my marriage? I don't honestly know, because I do love him. But I hear alot "my DH loves me the way I am", not so much here. But has it gone on for to long and we've grown to far apart?
Good Lord I need a therapist............................
But at least now I'm asking these hard questions. For years I ignored them and ate and ate and ate. So I think I'm off to a pretty good start!
T.
oh and thank you all for the nice comments! They made me smile!
Well I got someone so helpful this time. She read me the basics, first my policy definitely covers the band (lady before wouldn't ever tell me for sure) so that was a relief. You have to have a BMI over 40 w/o co-morbities or 35 with and she read off several. Either way I'm covered, as I'm on BP meds also. No smoking, good there. Then I got a little confused....
She said I needed to be on a supervised diet/exercise program for 6 months, ok heard this Tuesday. But then she said something about being on plan for 3 consecutive months with a weight loss. So this brings up 2 questions she couldn't really answer.....
If over the last 6 mos PCP and I have talked about diet/exercise and I say I've tried does that qualify? or if I pull my head out the next "3" mos and loose weight will that work?
It's a little confusing at this point, which is to be expected I suppose, it is insurance after all. But they are going to fax me the guidelines this afternoon and I'll meet with PCP again. So all in all it sounds fairly hopeful. She was surprised to see that former PCP had me getting a B12 shot only every 3 mos. So she is changing it to every month for a few and recheck my levels. Then they also did a blood draw to check everything else. Plus I've lost 2 lbs since my last B12 shot so maybe these last 2 mos can count toward my 6! lol
And I'm sure I'll learn more about the insurance game when I go to the seminar. As this is the only surgeon, Dr. Adam Smith from Ft Worth, that is contracted with my carrier.
Now I need to start dealing with the tell/don't tell decision. I understand both sides. I've already told my mother that I'm thinking about it and one friend that I used to work with (at in insurance agency no less lol). I quilt with a group of ladies that I'm not real sure about telling because I don't really know them well enough to guess how they will react. But the hard ones are those closest to me, my DH, kids and best friend.
I'll start with best friend..... she's not real keen on WLS. She's worried about the dangers, but as an overweight person herself she understands the dangers of being heavy also. And if I decide to do it I have no doubt at all she will be totally supportive. I'm just a little hesitant for some reason.
Then my kids...... they will be worried I'm sure because there are risks after all. But they'll be glad to see me loose weight for health reasons. I'm just terrified of telling then "yet again" I'm going to loose it and not do it yet again. I could get away with not tell DD, she lives in Phoenix and is going to law school. But DS lives in the same town and works for us. And is nosey....... It would be extremely hard to hide it from him. Even if I only had to miss 2 or 3 office days he would be like a dog with a bone trying to figure out why!
Then there is the DH...... (dont' ask what the "D" stands for right now) I've very hesitant to talk to him about this. I'm sure this sounds complete insane to most of you (if not all) because all the blogs I've read so far say you're married to your best friend. Not so much here. We've been married for 31 years and for the last 5 years we've also worked together. O.M.G. that part is so much harder than what I thought it would be. He's an incredibly hard worker, has provided for us very well (he likes to spend the money and doesn't mind at all if I do too. rough huh? :) I know he loves me and I do love him (altho this may make that hard to believe lol) but my weight has been a source of contention for years. So I know he won't be opposed to the band. But......
What if that contention (or maybe the word I'm searching for is uneasyness? can't find the right one at the moment) is still there AFTER? I know loosing weight won't make be suddenly happy and content. It also know it won't fix whatever might be wrong in our marriage. I've recently come to the realization that this is a big part of why I've self-sabotagded (omg sp?) any efforts at loosing over the last 15 years, I'm scared. And HOLY CRAP I can't believe I'm telling a bunch of strangers this........
So am I happy "now"? no not really, but like anything this to shall pass.
Is it my weight? partly
Is it my marriage? I don't honestly know, because I do love him. But I hear alot "my DH loves me the way I am", not so much here. But has it gone on for to long and we've grown to far apart?
Good Lord I need a therapist............................
But at least now I'm asking these hard questions. For years I ignored them and ate and ate and ate. So I think I'm off to a pretty good start!
T.
oh and thank you all for the nice comments! They made me smile!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
A start and I'm nervous....
I just called the Bariatric center and they have a seminar in 1 1/2 weeks AND he said my insurance carrier is getting pretty good about the surgery.........
omg I'm shaking and about to cry. (what a dork) Anyway I'll back up just in case I do manage to keep up with this and am able to help someone else someday with this journey as all the great blogs I've found that have helped me get this far.
I'm 49 (will be 5-0 in August EEEKKKK!), married with 2 grown kids and owned by 3 obnoxious dogs. Plus for the time being we have DD's 2 dogs. yeah, lots of fun. Oh and almost forgot her cat.....
I really didn't want to be "morbidly obese" for my 50th birthday. But the days are going by faster and faster and it will be here before I know it and I'll still be MO. But for this moment I'm ok with it because I'm starting to take steps to change that. The phone call this morning to the clinic was the first "real" step.
I was skinny as a kid and up until I got pregnant the first time. Then I went wild and gained 75 pounds, altho some of that was water retention from eclampsia. After a year I was within 15 or so pounds of where I should be. Over the next 3 years I was up and down 20-30 pounds. Then when DD was 4 I got pregnant again. This time I was careful about what I ate (I thought) but still gained lots. The morning I checked into the hospital (repeat C-section) I weighed in at 201. At 5'5" that was bad and I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I still remember that humiliated feeling.....
Over the next few years I bounced around size 14-18, still to big for my height, but not morbid. I've lost weight with WW and Atkins but put it back on (and then some) several times. The past 5 or so years I just gave up. Why keep trying?
My doc moved and my new one put me on antidepressants and ran all sort of tests. Come to find out my B12 was 147, normal is in the 600-1010 range! No wonder I've felt like crap for so long.......
So bi-monthly B12 injections and AD meds and I'm feeling much better. So much that I've been toying with the Band idea for about a year now. Along with that a couple of very humiliating moments over the past few months plus all of the AARP mail, damn them, have finally gotten my attention.
Maybe it's finally time..........
T.
o and I might as well get it out there ~ weight today: 262.4 BMI ~ 43 wear size 24W/3X
omg I'm shaking and about to cry. (what a dork) Anyway I'll back up just in case I do manage to keep up with this and am able to help someone else someday with this journey as all the great blogs I've found that have helped me get this far.
I'm 49 (will be 5-0 in August EEEKKKK!), married with 2 grown kids and owned by 3 obnoxious dogs. Plus for the time being we have DD's 2 dogs. yeah, lots of fun. Oh and almost forgot her cat.....
I really didn't want to be "morbidly obese" for my 50th birthday. But the days are going by faster and faster and it will be here before I know it and I'll still be MO. But for this moment I'm ok with it because I'm starting to take steps to change that. The phone call this morning to the clinic was the first "real" step.
I was skinny as a kid and up until I got pregnant the first time. Then I went wild and gained 75 pounds, altho some of that was water retention from eclampsia. After a year I was within 15 or so pounds of where I should be. Over the next 3 years I was up and down 20-30 pounds. Then when DD was 4 I got pregnant again. This time I was careful about what I ate (I thought) but still gained lots. The morning I checked into the hospital (repeat C-section) I weighed in at 201. At 5'5" that was bad and I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I still remember that humiliated feeling.....
Over the next few years I bounced around size 14-18, still to big for my height, but not morbid. I've lost weight with WW and Atkins but put it back on (and then some) several times. The past 5 or so years I just gave up. Why keep trying?
My doc moved and my new one put me on antidepressants and ran all sort of tests. Come to find out my B12 was 147, normal is in the 600-1010 range! No wonder I've felt like crap for so long.......
So bi-monthly B12 injections and AD meds and I'm feeling much better. So much that I've been toying with the Band idea for about a year now. Along with that a couple of very humiliating moments over the past few months plus all of the AARP mail, damn them, have finally gotten my attention.
Maybe it's finally time..........
T.
o and I might as well get it out there ~ weight today: 262.4 BMI ~ 43 wear size 24W/3X
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